Category: All Day, Every Day

Well I said I was gonna try and take a break but life won’t let me. Here’s a recap…

Saturday I only worked for 5 hours instead of 12 which was good cuz I was tired of looking at these muh fuckas. One more day I’ve would have doe some shit that would have gotten me fired and arrested in one swift motion. The Christmas party was Saturday as well. From what I heard from home-girl at the job, no one but management was their and it was boring. Big ups to Home-girl Erica for hooking a nigga up wit a plate. Anyway, by the end of the shift, in was snowing and I hate snow. INDOT is never on there shit and the streets were so fucked up. Lucky I only live 3 minutes away in good traffic so the ride home only took 20 minutes. I get home, strip to my draws, get a beer and watch Justice League Unlimited on my DVR while eating chicken from the Christmas party.

Sunday, I woke and was gonna get some breakfast from the Wheel. Its some restaurant in Hammond where on a good day some old geezer is bound to have a heart attack and die while choking down a tough ass piece of meat. But the omlets are off the chain. So I start to clean up, and I call the place and give them my order. I throw some jeans on and go to start my car so it’ll be warmed up. I ran back inside, made my bed ran some water to wash dishes and jumped in the car. As soon as I backed up onto the black top I knew my shit was fucked up. I had 2 flat tires. Both on the passanger side of my car. I never noticed them car my car was sitting in snow. I hate fucking snow, it killed my father and raped my mother, but I digress. So with not a lot of options I figure I on 2 flat tires to the gas station around the corner and see if I can put some air in them and still make it to the Wheel for my Denver omlet. My tires were new and I knew I didn’t puncture them. Must’ve been the air pressure and the cold air. A rational explaination, no?

So I actually make it to the gas station by taking a back street. All is good… Nope I guess that the two turn I had to make to the gas station, shifted the flat tire on my front wheel so now the rim is exposed. Now I can’t put air in the tire and I’m royally fucked.

Called My boy, Ken, for the number of Triple A and he offers to come wait with me cuz he’s coming this way anyway. By the time he gets to the gas station I was still on hold with Triple A, not saying that he was realy quick in getting there, but I was on hold for about 20 minutes. So after having my car sit at a gas station for about 3 hours this white guy in a flatbad truck comes around. Dude jumps out of the truck, and was literally “knee-high to a duck’s ass.” This muh fucka was short. Not like midget short but short enough that he would have to climb a step latter to jump and attempt and smack my balls. But he was cool. As he droppd my car off in front of my building he made the Hawaiian hand gesture or maybe it was the “Devil horns,” I wasn’t really paying attention. The rest of my Sunday was filled with VCR shopping with Ken, watching Dodgeball & I, Robot and cooking some Chicken Helper.

Which reminds me, why does it seem like I’m the only one who knows about Chicken Helper. I had to explain to several people including Ken what it was. “Like Hamburger Helper but with Chicken,” but I digress.

Been having a serious brain fart all day today couldn’t really think of anything to say. Couldn’t even think of some random shit to just throw on here, but I did want to move that photo post from he weekend, but I digress.

Since I don’t have any current shit to drone on about I guess I’ll bored y’all with a ditty bout my first girlfriend and a first kiss. Actually that’s a lie cuz it wasn’t my first kiss (remember that game Catch a girl, Freak a girl) this is a story bout an unwanted girlfriend and an unwanted kiss. A Sucka-punch Kiss…

It was that magic time, circa 1993-4, the golden age of hip hop when muh fuckas use to watch the Box, Donnie Simpson and Video Soul was still on BET and Real Sex was only or 4 or 5. Well around this time I was 13-14 years old, and I had this “girlfriend” and I use the term “girlfriend” severely loosely. Because when u think bout someone who’s suppose to be your girlfriend or boyfriend at any age you would think it would be somebody you like. This was not the case in my situation.

Now, I’m not trying to be mean but this is how I felt then and still is true today. My girlfriend’s name Shannon and she was one of those ‘Round da Corner muh fuckas cuz they just show up one day outta the blue from around the corner. She was tall, thick and kinda ogre-ish like the Hulk but had nice set of matching titties and ass (she showed me)… especially for a 14 year old. The problem with Shannon was the fact that she was slow. Not retarded even though that question came up a lot, but slow enough that she rode the short bus to school. In a group of females, Shannon was the one that the other girls had to defend when someone called her “Frankenstein” or started making Herman Munster sounds.

Don’t ask how she got to be my girlfriend. At some point I remember my boy Isaiah trying to holla at her, just to see if she would give up some pussy. He got tired of her and somehow she’s with me. How the fuck did that happen? Anyway, so me and Shannon are suppose to be boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever that means when you’re 13. I was at the age where I was lying bout getting pussy from “the girl from the other school” which means I wasn’t doing anything other then jacking off. The girl has never been pass the threshold on my front door. Which was fine by me cuz besides the one time she showed me and Isaiah her bra, Shannon wasn’t really give up anything. This one time, I was up in my room with my best friend Isaiah and my brother Jack playing something on Sega Genesis. My parents had the habit of letting anyone who said they were my friend into the house to come see me. So me, Ike and Jack are getting into something Sonic the Hedgehog or something and this head pops into the doorway, Shannon’s big Hulk head. She looks at me, I look at Isaiah, he looks at my little brother and Little Jack looks back at both of us. Everyone pause but no one paused the game, so we died.

Shannon: Hi Fez
Me: How jud get in?
Shannon: Mr. Anthony let me in…
(Both Jack and Isaiah snickering)
Shannon: Can I come up?
Me: Yea, we’re just playin’ Sonic so just keep quiet.
Shannon: Hi Jack, Hi Isaiah
(Now jack is full out laughing)
Isaiah & Jack: Hi Shannon

When this happened, both me and Isaiah were sitting on the floor of my room while my little brother was jumping on my bed. We try to get back into the game as Shannon proceeded to sit on the floor right next to me. Me and Isaiah are into the game, and SMACK. She kissed me. I turned and looked at her like “WHAT THE FUCK!?!” Shannon didn’t say anything, I didn’t saying anything. Isaiah and didn’t see a thing so I had plausible deniability. I don’t know why I was pisses, was it cause I wasn’t expecting it or wasn’t it because I was just being a little asshole, either way Shannon had to go.

Fast forward to that night, when I made Shannon cry. I didn’t want to her boyfriend. The reason why? Well not only was I get constantly getting asked “You’re Shannon’s boyfriend?” my parents started to tease me bout it so she had to be cut off. Was it a mean thing to do, sure but I was 13 and I have gotten my comeuppance.

‘Nuff Said

Dear Red-neck Mother Fucker,

This is a correspondance of thanks to the many nights and days of ruin sleep that u have caused. You’ve taken the long-forgotten and obsolete form of telecommunication, the Citizen Band Radio, and turn it into something thats so much more of a pain in the ass. Everytime I try to get a restful night/day of sleep, I hear you blaring through every speaker in my apartment; my computer system, my stereo system and my home-entertainment system, looking for someone to talk. You are a sorry son of a bitch.

How much you like to be driven out of a sound sleep to “Shut up dill hole!” or “Anybody out there?” every three hours. I have to flip circuits off in the breaker box to get any solidarity because not only does your voice come through when everything turned off, your one-sided CB conversations will come through with the slightest amount of power. I can’t have company without them being scared out of their minds when voices come through the walls. The last few time I wsa lucky enough to get sex, the mood was almost thrown off because you were looking for a friend. I can’t fucking stand it anymore. I’m about ready to jump the fence into your yard and rip that damn antenna off your house and shove it up your ass.

And who’s the fuck uses a cb radio in their house. Its not police-band, you’re not in a truck. Hell, there isn’t even a good whore house in Hammond so you can’t be trying to get laid off that thing. The only thing close is the bathhouse around the corner. All the perverts, got smarter and moved to the Intarweb. You need to catch the fuck up because its obvisious that you have been left behind. I hope that you’re retarded or something to that nature because that is the only reason that can justify what you’ve been doing. You’re a sad excuse for a human being.

I just wanna give a big thanks to the mighty fine people at FMLive.net for having my site up and run in 10 minutes and all waiting was for IP propagation. I pray that they’re more reliable than PinchPenny.org, and I shall never incur any unnecessary downtime again.

Well I have food and I should be happy for that, but I’m not. Before I say what happened let me get out that I can cook. But after being up all night and cleaning my bathroom and scrubbing my floor after working twelve hours – I passed out… after I put the ham in the oven. Suffice to say, the ham was burnt. Actually it was like that scene in Faces Of Death where the apartment complex was on fire and the negros were basically barbequed. Oh well – Lets see if somebody we hook a nigga up with a plate.

Well Ken should be somewhere in Kentucky on route to Atlanta, moms ifs going to a NA convention in Tennesese which leaves me the odd man out. But there won’t be any pity-parties in the Mercer House because I shall be utilizing my non-paid holiday time to eat some Ham I’m bound to fuck up in Wednesday and kick back watching th Transformers marathon on Thursday on Cartoon Network, the Law & Order marathon Friday on TNT and maybe even do something incredibly stupid like go to the mall on Saturday.

I’m in desparate need of clothes. Realize earlier last week that I look like a fucking bum and this travesty needs to be rectified ASAP. But alas, a negro is broke and because of this non-paid holiday and the 10 day non-paid break at Christmas I wont have anything to exchange for Kenneth Cole and banana Republic joys. Guess its my fault for spend my money of gadgets and electronics. A technosexual without the clothes is just a nerd. And nerds still aren’t cool.

I was in a serious rage about working Saturday night, I took my lunch to see if I could go buy some happiness. And there are no street walkers in Hammond, not that I’ve been looking… that much… recently… anymore. But I need to spend some money to forget that I was working until 2am over the weekend. So I drive down the street to the local Walmart to check out some movies and PS2 games.

First off the place was packed, It was the first saturday of the month and as my dearly departed grandmother, Rebecca would say; “Fuckin’ welfare receiptants everywhere!” Personally, I don’t care how people make their money as long as it isn’t made by robbing my black ass but I digress. The Negro Force was out in full effect; as I was strolling around the electronics to get a copy of Shrek 2 and hopefully Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and I run into one of my road dawgs, John.

John use to work for one of the US Senators for Indiana but got caught up in some bullshit, like fucking a 15 year old and now he uses his Master’s degree to assistant manage the Walmart. I say my pleasentries, and attempt to make plans to hang out the next day. I say my goodbyes, turn around and damn near walk into some nig and his 5 kids. Not only was all 5 kids under five years old, one of them was funky as fuck. Like goats fucking pigs rolling in horse shit kinda funky. Now I would normally just walk away but I had to get back to work and they was all just standing there around the shit I wanted. I would have said something but the smell was already fucking up my ofactory nerves, I was not bout to open my mouth to start tasting that shit too. So I wait for bout a good minute, and as the shittlings start to run away from the Weekend dad, I notice its not the kids that stink its the dad that smells ike moist armpit in sitting in the sun.

At that point I was like “fuck it”, they didn’t have Shrek 2 or GTA: San Andreas over here. I turn around to go to some other display with the cheap DVDs and this other negro is there, looking at shit. He glances up at me and he has this long and big ass open ass wound on his face. Some true horro movie looking type of shit. This niggas was up in Walmart, face bleeding, no bandage and had smeared vaseline/neosporen on it.

I bounced before the lepards and shit decided to get they shop on. I hate going to Walmart.

Well not only did I take my iggnant ass back to school, I gave up some money and took my fat ass back to the gym. I had a good work out… focused on my arms, back and chest which pretty much means that I’m a non-functional invalid from the waist up. Now being like this wasn’t bad at 7am this morning cuz all I had to do was wash my salty chocolate balls and take my ass to bed. But now its 10pm and I’m sitting here at work, and caught myself flinging my useless arms around into random objects and people. If you were able to see you too would comment on how gay its to see me walk without moving my arms. Shit sucks, but I’m going back to the gym either tomorrow or Monday. Now I’mma go sneak a power nap in the back room…

I’m finally taking my iggnate ass back to school. I knew that PUC would be glad to suck my money my pockets but daymn… I’m taking three classes and the price without the books is $1500. I miss my financial aid… makes me wish that I didn’t abuse the system and end up on financial aid probation. Oh well gonna go hustle my way into $1500… “5 Dolla Suckie-suckie?“